I was back from university for Xmas when my friend Richard asked if I could do him a favour. He was living at the time in an attic flat of a big house owned by this sixty year old couple. The husband had recently suffered a stroke and so hadn't been able to use the car or get out to go Xmas shopping, so could I drive the car 7 miles into Tunbridge Wells to give it a run and allow him to by some presents. Sure why not.........
The problems started when we had to hit the starter with a hammer to get the piece of junk to even turn over. Car started it was just a wreck, but I didn't fully realise this until we were underway. The gearbox was simply a lucky dip, reverse was the biggest danger as it was next to first and had no springing to stop you selecting it. The brake pedal was fading fast, the handbrake only worked on the gentlest of inclines, and the dash was beginning to light up like a Xmas tree (oh the irony). By the time we were driving home we'd had to stop to top the oil up and the brake reservoir light had come on - the wheezing engine and shot dampers didn't bother me because I was driving like a nun.
Almost as disturbing was the fact that despite the stroke and partial paralysis he got us to stop on the way there at the house of his "lady friend" to give her his Xmas card. I couldn't believe it at this point - "Is he knocking off this other old dear despite the wife and incapacity?" "Yep" shrugs Richard. At his request we left him to his own devices (and walking stick) for a few hours in Tunbridge Wells and found him later in a pub having gone through half a bottle of whisky and telling jokes about the seven dwarves. Oh lordy his doctor would go spare if he saw this.
Amazingly we managed to drag both him and the car back in one piece, though they were the longest 14 miles I've ever driven.
Even more amazing was the fact that he was director and co-owner of a London advertising agency and had ditched his 7 series BMW a year before in favour of this cow-pat of a car. Apparently the BMW was too large and too flash. Some people eh?
